I delight in my conversations with you. Finding someone unattractive isn’t really what we’re talking about but I’ll use your analogy.

Well, it kind of is. We don’t have a magical sense that says “HEY, THAT’S A GUY (or girl, depending)”; we depend on the other person to “signal” us, using secondary sex characteristics, mannerisms, and appearance to trigger our brains to “classify” them. If the trans girl is feminine and has practiced modulating her voice and therefore nothing in your signal system says “GUY” to you, you’re not going to know; you’re going to “read” her as a “her”, and nobody’s the wiser.

So, yea, it IS about “attractive or not”, just in a broader sense, as your PERCEPTION of them, of which “attractiveness” is a subset.

But what if you found all long nosed people disgusting? What if you associated that long nose with a racial profile? I would say even under that reason you weren’t phobic.


But if you felt the need to go on rants about how ugly they were. If you joked about how you’d kill them if you accidentally slept with them. If you engaged in conversations that degraded them. Then I would call you phobic.

Yea, agreed…..the “kill them” you mentioned there would definitely tell me that there’s some irrational fear working, there.

This isn’t black and white, it’s nuanced. Not everyone that finds a trans person unattractive is transphobic but neither are they all free of the title.

Hm. I think they should be free of the title unless there is a more definitive reason to apply it.

Lets not do this. If you think the men in your life wouldn’t react in the same way then I’ll wait while you ask them. There would be questions if they were gay, what the person had down stairs, and jokes. Because that’s male culture. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong but let’s not try to hide the reality.

Well, I don’t know what frat boys do in their private lives, not being a boy nor a frat member. My “take” is simply that mature people don’t care what other mature people do in their private lives. I’d apply that reasoning to a gang of guys as much as I would apply it to (most) social conservatives in politics.

Because peer pressure is so easy to deal with?

Can’t say. I don’t do peer pressure. Never have. I lost a lot of friends when I re-embraced Islam, and then even more when I decided to wear the scarf. But it was never nasty; it was more like “birds of a feather flock together”, and we weren’t birds of a feather anymore.

But, in general, if I became interested in somebody that was going to (hm) “evoke a response”, I’d date them privately for enough time until I was sure he was a keeper, then I’d tell my friends what was going on and read them the riot act. If they’d engage in bullying or mocking behavior, they’re not really friends, after all.

On the rest of what you’ve written, I have no quarrel.

Written by

Data Driven Econophile. Muslim, USA born. Been “woke” 2x: 1st, when I realized the world isn’t fair; 2nd, when I realized the “woke” people are full of shit.

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