Our choices are dialogue, silence or rage. The two former options are more frequent in males.

There are more choices than that. “Screw you all”, and letting it roll off your back comes to mind.

I’m 62, and been in tech for all but five years of my career. The most important survival skill, in any profession, and for either gender, is the ability to remember that what goes on in your job is not your life. The only exception to this that I can see is if your goal is a C level job with a Fortune 100 corporation. In that case, you are going to be handsomely compensated to have no outside life.

Back in the “day”, I used to take perceived affonts from the company & management against to myself and my coworkers very seriously. A mentor of mine, a guy who himself had been in tech for his entire career, starting in the mid 1960’s, and who was at the time my manager, listened to me gripe about one of these perceived affronts for a good 15 minutes or so, looked at me knowingly and said “Kady, never forget: it’s just another fucking company.”

Translation: It’s your job, not your life. If you can’t draw a line between the two, then you have a personal problem. Nobody puts their job title and compensation data on their tombstones.

Most conflicts, especially violent ones, involve males. Women are trained to try solving problems through dialogue (and in many cases are afraid of entering conflict with males due to their aggressiveness).

Reflecting back, I have noticed some (not many, but some) personally aggressive men get promotion after promotion. I have always considered it wise to not get into it with somebody who is only marginally sane. I don’t think that’s gender related; there are no shortage of men who, when privately discussing the aforementioned asshole, have agreed with me and shared tactics on how to avoid getting into a no-win situation with the idiot.

However, to step back and take the view from a higher orbit, I think that focusing on gender matters exclusively and with no context to try and explain why person A gets promoted and person B does not is doomed to fail. People are simply more nuanced than that. I’ve personally found starting with figuring out how people fit into these types of matrices to be more valuable:

(Note: I’m not endorsing this particular matrix. However, the notion that there are a few basic personality types has been around a long time, and has deep roots in occupational psychology, if that’s the right term.)

At any rate, the D’s, I believe, tend to be the ones who rise to the top of large corporations. They also tend to find one another in organizations, and mentor/promote each other as appropriate.

So, it would perhaps be more meaningful to figure out if there are more men than women who (for whatever reason) are D’s, and then figure out why that is.

My $.02.

Written by

Data Driven Econophile. Muslim, USA born. Been “woke” 2x: 1st, when I realized the world isn’t fair; 2nd, when I realized the “woke” people are full of shit.

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